6 Weeks

 I have been thinking of the 6 week mark as something magical and significant. Whoever "they" are definitely make it sound like it is! At 6 weeks you can start working out again, at 6 weeks you're expected to be going back to work, at 6 weeks you can have sex again, at 6 weeks your bleeding should have stopped and you're healed. For my first 3 births most of this was true, this time it's not. I'm not healed, I'm not ready, I'm not anxious to get back to work as I was before. I am ready to get back to the gym but my body is not. Even if it was, I wouldn't have time to go and work because I'm catching up on all my sweet sweet clients who have patiently waited for me to return from maternity leave. 


Genevieve continues to be the baby who makes me question everything I thought I knew. From the start nothing has been as I had thought! My pregnancy symptoms all pointed to her being a boy, I was the most healthy and fit out of all my babies yet my body hurt and struggled the most with her. Y'all know the birth story and how that didn't go as planned. Now this baby has some type of tummy trouble that we're trying to sort out. 

My sweet husband has not batted an eye at the extra money we've had to spend on dairy free foods for me and even surprised me with finding some hidden gems. A couple more days until the 2 week mark of being dairy free, so far no changes. Part of me wants this to be the problem so that we know how to help her but the other part of me is grieving the loss of many of my favorite foods. I mean I know this can only be a good thing for me as well, I struggle with too much fat intake and not enough protein. But... thanksgiving! Stuffing is one of my faves and it's cooked in butter!! So much butter. Yeah I could get fake butter but you know it's not the same. Ok, rant over. 


Our sweet girl is 6 weeks old, I am 6 weeks PP, I am realizing it's just a number and an average. God has taught me so much since 2020 about letting go, allowing myself to rest when needed, removing invisible pressure I put on myself. I sure do have a long way to go but I can already see how far I've come.

I struggle with things like, I want to have the cleaners come 2x a month but in order to do that I'd have to take on more clients. That equals more time away from my girl, but my anxiety is down because my house is clean. Where is the balance? Which sacrifice is the one I should choose? First world problems for sure, but we only get one life, this is my last baby, I want to make the right choices! For now, we'll do our best with what we have, surrendering in prayer what I cannot control.


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