My Happy Ever After

 I put so much pressure on myself to do all the things, I know most of us moms do. This past week God has reminded me that my calling, according to scripture, is to be a Mama and a homemaker, to support my husband. Thinking of my purpose in that light is such a burden lifted. When money is tight as it is now, I feel the burden to help financially. But I have to take a step back and remind myself that by allowing myself to feel that as my responsibility I am taking on both my own and my husbands curse . Now I know for someone who does not believe in the Bible all this may sound completely crazy, but I do believe the Bible is the infallible Word of God.      Truly, nothing brings me peace like spending time with Jesus. What a blessing it is to be able to do that when and where I want! Sometimes it takes a little more effort than other times, like now. But it's similar to meditating, opening up my mind to what God wants to tell me. I'll admit there are many times that I...

 Two things I have been avoiding for quite some time..  I have been a Christian most of my life and I love the Lord more than anything, but sometimes I don't want to read my Bible. I went through a long season where I was only reading each morning to check it off my list. That is NOT a good reason. So I stopped, but my relationship with God suffered. I love Burn Boot Camp, I friggin' hate cardio. I can't breathe then my muscles give out. It's a whole thing. When we couldn't work out in the gym (thanks 2020) and dumbells were more rare than toilet paper, most of our workouts were cardio. But when I didn't have to, I slowly stopped doing them. Finally when I got pregnant it was a great excuse to not do any cardio. So it's been waaay too long since I last did a cardio workout. Genevieve is 5 months old. I've been saying I would start doing the workouts that were a mix of strength and cardio, I have done a few. I wasn't able to make it to the gym last we...

 I have been thinking of the 6 week mark as something magical and significant. Whoever "they" are definitely make it sound like it is! At 6 weeks you can start working out again, at 6 weeks you're expected to be going back to work, at 6 weeks you can have sex again, at 6 weeks your bleeding should have stopped and you're healed. For my first 3 births most of this was true, this time it's not. I'm not healed, I'm not ready, I'm not anxious to get back to work as I was before. I am ready to get back to the gym but my body is not. Even if it was, I wouldn't have time to go and work because I'm catching up on all my sweet sweet clients who have patiently waited for me to return from maternity leave.  Genevieve continues to be the baby who makes me question everything I thought I knew. From the start nothing has been as I had thought! My pregnancy symptoms all pointed to her being a boy, I was the most healthy and fit out of all my babies yet my bod...

      It's always bugged me when people say "mom and baby are doing great" after a birth announcement. You know even if that mom had a great labor and delivery she's in a good amount of pain. That's not "doing great", can't we be honest and say mom is managing the pain __? Or even saying mom and baby are healthy, prayers appreciated for mom's pain.      To be physically attached to your baby for the better part of a year and then abruptly separated is hard. I know others handle it better than I do, I struggle to have the baby anywhere but in my arms. My heart aches when she's not with me, it makes sharing her with family really difficult. The first time Tim took her downstairs while I sat in the bed felt like he took her across state lines without me. Maybe I'm a little crazy but these are honest emotions I'm working through. Elyanna's whole kindergarten year I struggled with that heartache every time I dropped her off at school. ...

I was told 4 th babies come quick. I prayed for a quick, easy delivery. I envisioned every step of what it could look like, all the possibilities, I visualized pushing my baby out in many different scenarios and what that would be like emotionally. I enjoyed every wiggle and hiccup, I thanked God for my body that sustained healthy babies to term and beyond. I never got impatient to get her out. I was anxious, so so anxious. I prayed and meditated on Gods word, I received prayer from so many, I still struggled. I had one stressful situation after the next hit me in the weeks leading up to Genevieve’s birth. Ongoing issues with my teenager, tummy troubles with my youngest, drama with my midwives (which ended up working out better than I could have imagined). It was impossible to come to a place of peace before this baby was born, but I did my best! I wanted a quick, easy delivery in my home with my big kids close by, possibly even present for the birth if they wanted to be. I wanted mini...

Genevieve Taylor Labor finally started on Thursday 9/22 after a few false alarms over the previous weeks where I had regular yet inconsistent contractions for hours. I went to bed feeling them but had experienced that so many times before I didn’t think it was real, by 3am I couldn’t sleep through them anymore so I grabbed my phone to time them and see if there was any pattern, They were 3-5 minutes apart and a minute long but the intensity of them was still fairly mild. I got up and moved around, drank some water, ate some eggs and the contractions changed but didn’t stop. I decided to give my midwives a heads up as I was also experiencing some bleeding. Because of the bleeding they decided to come over and check things out around 6am. It was so exciting, it seemed the baby was finally coming! As I watched them set up all the supplies in my room, Tim calling into work to let them know he wouldn’t be in and contractions growing stronger it seemed my baby would be there within the day! ...